Green Monkeys
Green Monkeys
The morning-after accountability app.
For anyone who drinks more than they meant to and spends the next morning with Monkey Joe on one shoulder and the whole Green Monkey troupe cheering from the other. This app puts the lot of them to work for you.
iPhone & Apple Watch · free · no account, no cloud
Want version 2 early? Join the TestFlight beta.
Meet Monkey Joe
He's the voice on your shoulder the morning after — harsh, but fair. And the fair part is specific. Four promises, before he's rude to you once:
- "I'll never accuse you. You tell me how it went — I only keep the score."
- "I won't nag you when you're doing well. Clean night, and I've got nothing."
- "On the mornings it stops being funny, I'll leave the room."
- "And I'll never pretend it didn't happen."
One thing back: be honest with him. Every verdict is yours to give — the app never decides what kind of night you had.
Keep your promises. Keep your dignity.
Joe will hold the notes.
And here's his angle: the sooner you get this under control, the sooner Joe and the troupe can go and follow somebody else around. He wants you to win — partly because he cares, and mostly because you're keeping him in work.
The Plan
Before a night out, sober-you records a 30-second video and a list of promises: max drinks, water between rounds, leave by eleven, no karaoke. Your promises, your list — it learns the ones you invent.
The Session
At the times you chose, Joe and the Green Monkeys check in on your phone and Watch with the plan you made. They're on your side and enjoying themselves — and quietly taking notes. One tap opens the camera so drunk-you can leave a message for tomorrow. Tomorrow-you will wince.
The Morning After
Joe runs the debrief: watch the evidence, judge each promise, confess the booze crimes, and score yourself 0–5 — from "behaved like a normal person" to "can't show my face again". He never decides that score. You do.
The Pattern
Your idiot rate, your average score, the promises you keep breaking and the crimes you keep committing. Make the same promise again and Joe will quote your record back at you.
The Widget
The counter sits on your home screen and Lock Screen, ticking over at midnight. Green when you're behaving. Red when you're rebuilding.
Private by design
No account. No cloud. No analytics. Your videos are stored encrypted on your phone, excluded from backups, locked behind Face ID — and there is deliberately no share button. Read the privacy policy.
Built by someone who needed it
"Every 2–3 months I would do or say something that would make me cringe in the morning and damage my relationships with the people I loved. I called these Total Dickhead Events." — Owen, founder. 8 years sober, zero resets, and this is the app he wishes he'd had — to help Good Owen keep Bad Owen at bay.
The honest goal: use the app so that one day you don't need the app.