Good Owen vs Bad Owen

Green Monkeys was built by Owen — 8 years sober. This is the story he wrote for One Year No Beer after his first two years alcohol-free, unedited in spirit, lightly tidied in spelling. The app is the tool he wishes he'd had: something to help Good Owen keep Bad Owen at bay.

The pattern

Looking back, since I started drinking I was always someone who would often have too many, and whilst I thought I was just doing the same as everyone else, I was really pushing that bit further and having more drink than other "normal" people — I was always the one who wanted to stay later and have that 2nd, 3rd, 4th bottle! A pattern emerged where this behaviour didn't cause a major problem until, every 2–3 months, I would do or say something that would make me cringe in the morning and damage my relationships with the people I loved. I called these Total Dickhead Events (TDEs).

I would try to moderate — set limits, days I wouldn't drink — and this worked up to a point, but the TDEs kept happening.

The quick pint

As I got into my late 40s I found myself worrying about "stuff" and often having a feeling of impending doom. This could be blunted with alcohol, so I found I was having a quick pint at lunchtime, on the way home, at home, down the pub… pretty much anywhere. I got apps to help me calculate my blood alcohol content so I could know when I could drive, and getting a beer to stop the anxiety became a new pattern. I kept thinking I should quit booze, but I couldn't imagine how my world could exist without it.

Enough was enough

On the 31st of August 2017 I had yet another TDE and decided that enough was enough, and set out to quit for a month — I had done one month many times before, so I knew I could do it on willpower. Then, about five days in, I heard about One Year No Beer from an appearance on the BBC by Andy and Ruari. I visited the website and watched the free videos, and something just clicked with what was being said — wow, I wasn't the only one with this problem, and double wow, people did manage to have a life after alcohol. I signed up for 90 days, but with a very different mindset from previous attempts. After 90 days I decided to go for 6 months, then 12 — and just after 12 months I decided to quit for good.

What happened next

After the 90 days the anxiety had lifted (it turned out I really didn't have anything to worry about) and my weight had gone from 14st to 12st 7lb. I was running almost every day — exercise became my way to de-stress instead of booze. After six months I was down to 10st 7lb and did my first sprint triathlon. Inspired by the new-found fitness I took a gym instructor qualification just for fun, then a personal trainer qualification — and after 25 years in IT, changed career entirely.

Since then: a marathon in 3:25, a half marathon in 1:31, a 100-mile bike ride in 6:15, and a 10k in 41:20 — before giving up booze I couldn't break 50 minutes. And I still go to the local pub a few times a week and enjoy an AF beer with my drinking friends, who have all been 100% supportive.

CALM

If I could describe my alcohol-free life in one word it would be CALM. Stuff still goes wrong and needs sorting, but now it all seems manageable. As one friend told me after about 180 days sober: "Alcohol never really suited you." If only I'd heard that in my 20s — think how many TDEs I could have avoided.

Why this app exists

Green Monkeys is the app Owen would have given his younger self. The booze-crime charge sheet is just TDE-tracking with better records. The counter on the home screen is the same count he's been keeping since 2017. The pattern screen exists because for years he genuinely believed each TDE was a one-off — and the record says otherwise, for everyone, always.

So here's the honest pitch: use the app so that one day you don't need the app. Maybe the plans and the check-ins help you moderate, and that's a win. But if the pattern screen keeps telling you the same story, ask the question that's left once Joe has walked out of the room — is alcohol giving you more than it takes? Some people cut down. Some people, like Owen, just stop — and report that the other side is calmer, lighter, and faster over 10k.